THE SEYMOUR MONKEY CHRONICLES:

It shone and glistened in the sun like a retarded mirror ball. On the beach its more rectangular cousin teetered within a misbalanced crate stack, its windows into nothing revealing … nothing. Gaudi must have been doing some great drugs!

The trippy design continues into the streetscapes. An unfinished cathedral stands hidden behind a Meccano set of scaffolding. Its canvas coverings printed with clues as to what stands concealed. Apartment buildings and shopfronts shout their individuality like Catalonian Peacocks proudly displaying their flamboyance. A plain office block closes early, no doubt filled with an inner shame as it measures itself against those others with whom it shares a footpath.

Ronaldinio bicycle kick on bar TV sends plaza crowd wild. Red and blue celebrate. Ole! Cervesa’s all round. I stop for a meal. Order Enchilada. Get Ensalada. I nibble my lettuce in silence. Late night dog walkers hold conversations on street corners, sharing lights and blowing smoke rings. Groans from the bar as Athletico score four – The boy in the number 10 Barca shirt grumbles home.

Kites dogfight over the beach like it was the Somme. A Great Dane pulls its skater master through a crowd slalom course like its the Moomba Masters. I take the Skyway to San Sebastian. Elbow fights for photo positions prompt quiet thoughts of murder.

Footsore from La Rambla rambling I return to the hard ceramic floors of my hotel room. My new cowboy boots send me skating across the floor like Tonya Harding. It seems in Barcelona even an early kip is a night on the tiles.

Part 1: Evening Pints & Dragon’s Breath Mornings - London Feb 2008

Part 2: Non Moleste I'm on Siesta - Barcelona March 2008

Part 3: S'il Vous Plaît Burlesque - Paris March 2008

Part 4: Ciao Bella Ding Dong! - Florence - March 2008

Part 5: Venetian Blinded - March 2008

Part 6: Rack 'em Up - Rome 200