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SAIGON VIETNAM: - A Fistful of Dong

SEYMOUR MONKEY CHRONICLES

On foot we make our way to what appears to be a zebra crossing marked near universally ignored traffic lights. We marvel at the courage of local pedestrians as they wade through the motorbike river. We pause, suspecting that the marks on the road are merely used to consolidate pedestrian road kill to areas close to fire hydrants and storm drains. We take the plunge and follow a local. Soon we are experts at Saigon Frogger.

Ho Chi Minh stares from his bust inside the war museum. In a great irony he is now a marketable commodity much in the same way as Che Geuvara before him. His head is on tee shirts, caps and even chess pieces for sale in the markets. It begs the question - How do you retain authoritarian control when you cannot even control your iconography? Marxist heroes become trinkets for the bourgeoisie.

SURFING THE MONEY SHOT - WITH TIM GILES

LONDON: XMAS 2009: In the red corner, the latest X-factor cyborg flashes a Colgate smile as he churns through an achy Breaky Brat’s tired ballad. In the blue corner is a soap avoiding anarchist and a preachy song largely notable for its profane repeated catch phrase in a temper tantrum climax. Old Smelly from LA won.

The victory was celebrated and decried. A triumph of popular groundswell movements over the soul less corporate machine. A cynical denial of a poor Geordie teenager’s reward for rehashing last years song in a pretty wrapper. As Jimmi Carr says, you can’t polish a turd but you can roll it in glitter. People are attracted to familiar pretty baubles and well crafted spin. Find the right dog and sheep can be herded in surprising directions.

 SEYMOUR MONKEY CHRONICLES

Tunisians are a determined bunch. After all, one did once lead an army of elephants over snow-covered mountains to attack Rome. An event still celebrated with street statues and gift shop trinkets. However, I reckon Caesar may still opt to take on Hannibal and his pachyderms rather than confront the smooth carpet salesmen lurking in busy medina markets. I guess if you can convince Dumbo to snow ski then flogging a rug to a tourist is child’s play.

The place oozes history. A Who’s Who of conquerors, have left their mark in the museums and landscape. Of course this is no guarantee that those ancient Roman coins or statues on offer in the street markets are any more genuine than the Coco Chanel handbags hanging from the hooks of the store next door.

 SURFING THE MONEY SHOT - WITH TIM GILES

They are a fickle bunch, online consumers. Flighty and nervous like antelopes at an African waterhole. Ready to turn and run at the slightest excuse. Clutching their credit cards close to their breasts. Clumsy retail predators often go home hungry.

The causes of this are varied but often boil down to convenience, customer service and confidence. One of the biggest mistakes that retailers often make, regarding online operations, is to focus too much on using the site for cost cutting rather than improved service. Saving money is of course a prime objective of a successful web arm but it shouldn’t be obvious to visitors. The website should be a customer engagement tool not a customer avoidance one. Online there is simply too much competition and choice to take consumers for granted.